i-see-cats:

Shit People Say to Asexuals.

thejeniverse:

Many times during my teenager years, I wanted to quote this line.  That probably should’ve been a sign that I was asexual.

lilylunastardust:

Life packs a punch: Asexuality and the Glee fandom

godiva696:

I love reading Glee fanfiction, specifically about Kurt Hummel.

I am asexual.

These two things very, very rarely intersect, but when they do, I would like to mention it.

Most particularly, I would like to climb on my soapbox today and talk about hate language.

When a piece of…

YES! I remember the big freakout ppl had “worrying” that Kurt was going to be asexualized…and I was like…hmm actually if he was gay romantic ace I WOULD LOVE THAT!

I also find this kind of asexual=dehumanized/freakish etc… language not just in fanfic but in “professional” women’s studies and queer studies literature as well (especially in regards to people with disabilities or historical portrayals of queer people)…the word neutered gets thrown around a lot alongside asexualized

YES, these portrayals are incorrect and such assumptions should not be made BUT why does arguing against that have to come at the expense of my asexuality and identity as somehow less than human or naive?

It’s especially tricky when I’m both disabled and ace (WHY HELLO THERE INTERSECTIONALITY) so I pushed to the outside of both camps (I might rant on that another time).

I would be so beyond okay with a character being portrayed as asexual, though honestly - I’d rather it was not the gay character, simply because that would give people an additional excuse to rage against asexuality for ‘stealing’ a valid representative of the gay community. (I wouldn’t agree - but I want asexuality to have as many chances as possible at being accepted.)

I haven’t done much academic research on sexuality yet, but if the same language is used in those circles, clearly we have an uphill battle to acceptance and recognition.

I can understand reclaiming their sexuality - for feminists, for queer people, for disabled people - but as you say: why does asexuality have to be the bad guy?

Asexuality is a sexuality. As such, it is not wrong. It is not bad. It is not an insult to any other orientation or sexuality.

shaolina:

godiva696:

I love reading Glee fanfiction, specifically about Kurt Hummel.

I am asexual.

These two things very, very rarely intersect, but when they do, I would like to mention it.

Most particularly, I would like to climb on my soapbox today and talk about hate language.

When a piece of fiction uses the words ‘fag’, ‘queer’ (in an insulting manner), or any of the other very well-known items that comprise what is commonly referred to as ‘hate language’, authors - generally warn for it.

There’s an exception, though. I’ve come across the phrases ‘asexual freak’, ‘freak of nature who doesn’t want sex’, and others, quite a few times. Mostly in reference to that infamous episode, Sexy.

There has never been a warning for hate language, and I would like to know why. Is my sexuality such a big joke that it isn’t serious when it’s treated as something unnatural? Is my sexuality such a complete statistical outlier that yes, to ‘normal’ people, it is, in fact, freaky?

I’m asexual, yes. This does not mean I don’t have feelings. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me want to cry when this language is used.

It doesn’t make it better when, instead of that language being pointed out and rectified, it is, instead, without fail, glossed over.

Hey, Glee fandom - do you remember BIOTA? Do you remember how upset everyone was at the irreverent treatment of Kurt’s biphobia and how it was, in a sense, shown as correct in Blaine’s case?

So. I read stories. The character isn’t ready for sex. This makes him an ‘asexual freak’. But, don’t worry! All his fears were for naught! In fact, all it took was some TLC and suddenly, he was ‘normal’ again! Oof, narrow escape from the horrors of asexuality! Let’s just laugh at his fears of being a freak!

I understand that people didn’t want Kurt to be desexualized - I didn’t want that either. But, please understand something else: openly asexual characters (NOT desexualized, that is very very different) are rare. Very rare. Even in fanfiction, asexuality is not the *desired* outcome for the reader or the author. I can accept that.

But please, at the very least - warn me about the language. Warn me that my sexuality is going to be used as a joke, or as a ‘narrow escape’ tactic.

Just because we’re not as numerous as you, doesn’t mean we don’t count.

I’ve encountered just one fic with that. It was by a fanfic author I loved and so I expressed my feelings about it when I read it. I never got to finish the fic because the sight of it made me cry. It reminded me of past experiences and reactions and I just couldn’t deal with it.

I guess part of the problem is that asexuality is barely acknowledged as a sexuality, if known at all. It’s very possible the author itself was unaware of the actual term he or she was using and why it hurts when you use them. That’s not to say ignorance of what it is done or the extent of it makes it ok. It doesn’t. It just means we need to keep fighting for recognition so things like that doesn’t happen. Because words can indeed hurt and mark somebody.

Although in the case of Kurt, I never saw him as asexual. I defended my case to other asexuals too about Emma and Kurt. (Emma I’m not really sure though. I’m not even sure where the writers are taking her sometimes) I don’t think RIB even know what asexuality is. I’m not even sure I want the show in particular to cover asexuality.  They are overall great with L and G issues, B is a “Eehh, we’ll se” but after that I am not so sure. 

But I do get how a story like that when it adds those sort of slurrs can be offensive to us. Because to some teenagers that is similar to their experience and well written can be lovely, how to overcome your barriers. But add that and it becomes how to heal somebody who’s broken and we don’t need that.

I - think I read your comment on that fic. And yeah, I really like that author. I’m a multi-shipper and an extensive reader, so I have encountered the problem more than once, though.

The problem, I feel, isn’t just the attitude, and the sentiment, that asexuality is wrong in and of itself. The problem is that this attitude is never acknowledged. It is never given weight. It is never dealt with. It is allowed to stand without ever being confronted.

Do I have issues with the fact that asexuality is dismissed or misunderstood?

Of course, and I would love for that to change.

But change takes time. Meanwhile, perhaps it wouldn’t be too much to ask for people to realize that hate language is hate language, and that even if the attitude in the literature is not challenged, the language used to indicate asexuality should at the very least be recognized as hate language.

I love reading Glee fanfiction, specifically about Kurt Hummel.

I am asexual.

These two things very, very rarely intersect, but when they do, I would like to mention it.

Most particularly, I would like to climb on my soapbox today and talk about hate language.

When a piece of fiction uses the words ‘fag’, ‘queer’ (in an insulting manner), or any of the other very well-known items that comprise what is commonly referred to as ‘hate language’, authors - generally warn for it.

There’s an exception, though. I’ve come across the phrases ‘asexual freak’, ‘freak of nature who doesn’t want sex’, and others, quite a few times. Mostly in reference to that infamous episode, Sexy.

There has never been a warning for hate language, and I would like to know why. Is my sexuality such a big joke that it isn’t serious when it’s treated as something unnatural? Is my sexuality such a complete statistical outlier that yes, to ‘normal’ people, it is, in fact, freaky?

I’m asexual, yes. This does not mean I don’t have feelings. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me want to cry when this language is used.

It doesn’t make it better when, instead of that language being pointed out and rectified, it is, instead, without fail, glossed over.

Hey, Glee fandom - do you remember BIOTA? Do you remember how upset everyone was at the irreverent treatment of Kurt’s biphobia and how it was, in a sense, shown as correct in Blaine’s case?

So. I read stories. The character isn’t ready for sex. This makes him an ‘asexual freak’. But, don’t worry! All his fears were for naught! In fact, all it took was some TLC and suddenly, he was ‘normal’ again! Oof, narrow escape from the horrors of asexuality! Let’s just laugh at his fears of being a freak!

I understand that people didn’t want Kurt to be desexualized - I didn’t want that either. But, please understand something else: openly asexual characters (NOT desexualized, that is very very different) are rare. Very rare. Even in fanfiction, asexuality is not the *desired* outcome for the reader or the author. I can accept that.

But please, at the very least - warn me about the language. Warn me that my sexuality is going to be used as a joke, or as a ‘narrow escape’ tactic.

Just because we’re not as numerous as you, doesn’t mean we don’t count.

Happy Ace Prom guys!

I’m a gonna watch Sherlock Holmes and eat cupcakes - pretty much the perfect evening!

aforaffort:

[image description: Anonymous question: So, I just read your post about asexual vs aromantic, and I’m just very confused about the whole concept. I know you think people are hot (hello, Loki, duh), and I just don’t want to be ignorant anymore! Sorry, I guess I just don’t know how to word this question exactly. I want to knoooow thingsssssss?  end description]

EDIT: This is now a rebloggable post

Oh my god Anon I love you

I understand perfectly that this is confusing, and thanks for taking the time and interest to learn more about it. Forgive me if I go over anything that seems like “duh, common sense,” but I try to cover all my bases when going into something like this.

ALSO please forgive me if you are non-binary and you feel like my explanation is erasing your identity. I DON’T MEAN TO DO THIS AT ALL but at the moment I’m not fully equipped with the correct words to explain sexual/romantic orientations and be certain I am fully inclusive of you. PLEASE MESSAGE ME with suggestions for more inclusive language. Thanks!

Now first off, there’s a difference between sexual orientation and romantic orientation. For many people, these align: Someone is sexually attracted to males and also has romantic feelings towards males. Or only to females. Or to both. Or to non-binary people. Etc.

But for many others, these do not align, or they do not align perfectly. Some people are sexually attracted to more than one sex, but they find they only tend to fall “in love” with members of a specific sex. Someone might be bisexual but finds that they only ever have a romantic connection with women. Or someone might be panromantic and fall in love with all sorts of people, but they only find men to be sexually attractive.

So let’s toss into the mix asexuality and aromanticism (is… that the right word? god, I’m so fucking tired, I have no clue). Asexuality is quite simply the lack of sexual attraction.

Asexuality is NOT:

• an indication of romantic orientation
• an indication of sex drive
• an indication of sexual activity
• celibacy
• a choice

Just like straight, hetero-normative people have different levels of sex drives, some choose to have sex, some choose not to have sex, some enjoy sex, and some do not enjoy sex, the same goes for asexuals. A straight person CAN have sex with a person of the same gender and still be straight (how many times to people have to tell me about their past “experiments” for me to know that’s true?).

So people who are asexual can also:

• have sex
• not have sex
• have a sex drive
• not have a sex drive
• like sex
• not like sex
• be romantically attracted to people
• not be romantically attracted to people

Okay, next up is aromanticism. Being aromantic is—you guessed it! Not feeling a romantic attraction to others.

Aromanticism is NOT:

• an indication of sexuality or sexual preference
• an indication of sex drive
• an indication of sexual activity
• celibacy
• a choice

People who are aromantic just don’t get those romantic relationship, lovey-dovey feelings. That isn’t to say they don’t have extremely deep and loving relationships! But for them, romantic attraction isn’t there.

Aromantic people can also:

• have sex
• not have sex
• have a sex drive
• not have a sex drive
• enjoy sex
• not enjoy sex
• be sexually attracted to people
• not be sexually attracted to people

There ARE some people out there who are both asexual and aromantic. I am not one of those people, but I am good friends with several aromantic asexuals. They have deep, long-lasting friendships that for them are as fulfilling as a romantic relationship is for those who seek one.

As for me finding things/people “hot:” I don’t. Well, not in a sexual way. I jokingly refer to these attractions as “asexual frustration” because I find certain people EXTREMELY aesthetically attractive, and intellectually attractive, and emotionally attractive (and occasionally romantically attractive but I try to steer clear of that as often as possible), but sexually attractive? Nope.

But if I am to say, “GOD DAMN, LOKI IS SUCH A FUCKING AESTHETICALLY PLEASING, INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATING AND COMPLEX CHARACTER AND IS ONLY COMPLEMENTED BY TOM HIDDLESTON’S GORGEOUS SELF AND GLORIOUSLY INTUITIVE ACTING STYLE TO SUCH A DEGREE THAT I WANT TO CRY AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS WITH HIM AND MY LIFE IS WORTHLESS”

…

well…

that doesn’t get the point across quite as efficiently as “holy fuck how does he be so fucking hot I can’t”

The thing about asexuals is that we are forced to learn the “sexual language” because it is omnipresent in everything. Go back and watch cartoons you enjoyed as a child; as an adult, you will be laughing at sexual things you didn’t notice before. We need to be able to know why it’s funny and identify it when it happens and also share it with others: because talking about the reality of sexuality is a sort of bonding experience between humans.

There are tonnes of stories (my own included) of asexual people pretending to be sexual to fit in. As a teenager, I pretend to have a crush on Orlando Bloom (shush) because ALL my friends talked about “hot” celebrities and .. and .. I needed to be able to add something to the conversation to be able to relate to them.

But yes, as for me, I am a something-romantic asexual with no sex drive. Whenever I use the sexual language, I don’t use it literally. Am I turned on by Loki? Notttt sexually. Ever. Would I want to have sex with someone who looked like Tom Hiddleston’s Loki? No. Well, I mean… maybe if we’d been dating for a year and were engaged and he were sexual and it were important to him we would work out a compromise. But would I ever be the person to choose to pursue sex? Nooooooooo.

For more information, feel free to visit my asexuality tag here or by clicking on the image of the anonymous question.

Anyway

Uh

Yep

?

SORRY I’M BAD AT ENDING POSTS

outlawroad:

milesian:

“I’m asexual, I don’t love. Thank you for the compliment though,”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, PLEASE do your research before writing anything you’re not well versed about or you’re going to end up sounding like an idiot.

I for one have no…

ace-reporter:

I run in Asexual circles. I also run in smaller transgendered circles. I’m not a journalist or an activist in the latter. (It’s not that I couldn’t be, but it’s just something I’d rather not have people find out about me in meat space just yet.) However, there are some…

I don’t run in transgendered circles, but I have a fair number of queer friends. And this assumption is still made. Or - ‘do you even have to come out?’ has also been asked.

godiva696:

I’ve been asked out on dates before. I never even noticed I was apparently flirting, though people have assured me I was. It never even occurred to me that people would react to me being nice to them. This is actually fairly common in asexual people: because we’re not attracted to…

pmzzo said: This. That’s totally my “approach” to flirting. I can spot innuendo better than flirting, as a matter of fact.

I know - it’s so much easier to understand what people say, even when they’re being euphemistic, generally because we’re speaking the same language. I think, for me, the difficulty with flirting is down to the fact that I truly believe that body language, or communication of attraction, is a foreign language, that I mimic but fail to completely understand the intricacies of.